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DH dupped me again

October 30th, 2006 at 10:04 am

I forgot to get the change back from him after he bought the KFC. I just called him to let him know that I would need the PayPal money transfered out and asked him about it. He said that he bought smokes this morning with it and only has $8 and change left. How can this be?

$50 (starting cash)
-$30 (KFC)
------------------
$20
-$ 4 (smokes)
------------------
$16


I am so angry!!! I asked him where the rest of it went and he first told me that my math was off. Then he said he wasn't sure where he spent the money. The only time that he had that money that he was away from me was this morning on the way to work. And he can't remember! AAAUUUGGGHHH! It seems stupid to be arguing over $8, but it's the principle! Well it's the money too, because we are broke.

9 Responses to “DH dupped me again”

  1. koppur Says:

    So frusterating! Good luck Sunshine!

  2. miclason Says:

    ...I bet he doesn't save receipts, either...(I used to be like that, I could never figure where the $$ went and, of course, I never kept any receipts, so there was no way to figure it out, either!)

  3. fairy74 Says:

    I drove ex-hubby nuts with this kind of behavior, it is really hard to be the only one on board sometimes. Hugs to you...

  4. Broken Arrow Says:

    I can relate because I was in the same boat once too. "My significant other (who basically isn't very financially cognizant) did this or that to my account, and it upset me." Actually, there seems to be several recent blog posts floating around with this theme....

    Nowadays, I am a big proponent of keeping all the finances separate. In fact, a friend of mine has been financially contained (for his own good) to just his debit card that draws straight out of only his checking account. That's the way to do it!

  5. budgetmom Says:

    Thanks for the support everybody!
    Broken Arrow: As much as I would like to have seperate accounts I can't. DH is only source of income so all money is pooled from his pay. Also, can't have seperate accounts because we have to pay off the negative bank balances that are in our names individually to be able to have a bank account. Even if all the money was in my bank accout (if I still had it) how could I possibly keep DH out of it when it is all his (technically)to begin with.
    *note-I do not actually think that the money is his. I think that I work just as hard for the family as he does and that his income is our income.

  6. Undecided Says:

    Budgetmom, if I'm understanding correctly, are you saying that you can't get a bank account in your name because of past financial mishaps that now need to be cleaned up? If so, and since the money your DH brings in is actually yours as well (I don't think he's earning enough to actually pay someone else for all the things you do (cooking, cleaning, childcare, laundry, 'gofer', etc.) than perhaps you can do what I do. What you will be doing is, in effect, 'paying' yourself. Every time you spend anything and write it in the checkbook, round it up to the nearest dollar:

    Debit/Cred Bal

    11/1/06 Starting Balance 400.83
    Starting Float $ 0.83 400

    11/1/06 Electric $54.16
    Float $ 0.84 345

    11/2/06 Gasoline $16.38
    Float $ 0.62 328

    11/3/06 Groceries $48.14
    Cpns, card svngs $6.43 (float) $ 7.86 272
    (you round out the savings to the nearest higher amt)

    11/4/06 Mickey D's $ 9.24
    Float $ 0.76 262

    and so on for the whole month. Just for the examples above, you've already 'saved' $10.91. This 'float' and cpns/card savings are left in your checking account, but deducted from the check register as though you actually spent it. All floats could be considered part of that item's budget amount, or whatever savings you budgeted for. This 'float' can really add up and be used not only as an additional safeguard against accidentally bouncing a check (the check register shows you only have a balance of $262, but you 'actually' have $272.91). If you are the only one who does the checkbook keeping, than you husband doesn't know about your 'secret' income and since it is still in your checking account, you aren't really taking anything away from 'his' income. Believe me, although he knows it is both 'yours' he really considers it his, which is why he wants more money for men's 'toys', going out to eat, whatever, without accounting to you. You can either budget for an allowance for him to blow however he wishes, or just make sure the 'float' takes care of his extraneous spending without your 'calling' him on it. He thinks he's getting away with something, and you don't have as much stress because he's going 'over' the budget. Since your 'float' is pretty much budgeted at the beginning of the month, he really can't go over it. Or, if you want to consider it 'your income' you can go to the bank every so often, and take it out in cash and save it, buy bonds with it, or eventually open an account in just your name with it. There are a lot of possibilities of what you could do with this money.

    You can also average out what you spent the last year on Housing, Auto, and Utilities. You know, the once a month expenses like Mortgage or Rent, Auto Loan, and Monthly averages on Utilities, but also the 3 mos, 6 mos., annual expenses, and routine housing or auto maintenance.

    Example:
    Mtg. 427
    House ins. 40 $480 paid annually
    House prop tax 40 $460 paid annually
    House maint. 50 $500 paid whenever
    Totals 557

    You would budget the $557 every month, pay the mtg of $427 every month and put the remaining $130 in what I call a 'buffer'. This can actually still be your checking or savings account, but if savings, something you can get to rather quickly if needed (particularly for the maint.). You do the same thing with your Auto (loan, insurance, prop taxes, maintenance, licence, etc) and your Utilities (average 400 month, actually spent 328, you buffer 72.) With utilities, this helps provide for those dreaded 'higher than expected' heating or cooling costs.

    I'm probably not explaining this very well, but I'm sure you get the gist. Hopefully something like this should help alleviate his spending and your budget.





  7. Undecided Says:

    Sorry, when I sent the above, the Debit/Credit and Bal. did not go where it should have, also the rounded 'bal' amounts. Pretend the amounts and balances are like in a check register.

  8. budgetmom Says:

    Interesting idea Undecided. I may have to work on that. I have been using the envelope method so far, but ran into a few snags with it with DH's traffic ticket and the spending over the weekend mentioned in a previous blog entry. It really isn't that much, but it really does you in when you are just starting your budget (as I am) and you are already so far behind.
    I have been putting any change from dollars allocated for certian bills aside as if it didn't exist as I assess my totals after each purchase. I'm starting to get a pretty heavy money bag (like the kind businesses take for bank deposits). I figured that I would count it up after this pay periods end in a few days (which would be the equivalent of one month) and see how much is there. I dip in to that change every once and awhile as it is my loose envelope for laundry money. I do this so I don't have to go to the store or bank to get the change to do it.
    I think that I will go ahead and tally everything up now and re-evaluate my current budget. I am thinking that I can tweek it more (with your idea in consideration) especially since this is only my first month of having a concrete budget in place. I will try and report my finding in my next blog entry.

  9. Broken Arrow Says:

    I see. Yeah, that IS tough.

    Prior when I was married, we both earned an income, but I managed all our finances. That aspect wasn't as "difficult" because I was a bread winner as well, and well, I insisted. Big Grin

    With the example of my friend, the wife was the primary if not sole bread winner so she was able to hang on to most of it.

    Not to worry though. There are plenty of couples out there that share the same financial arrangement as you do, and I am sure you guys can work out a balance or compromise somewhere.

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